I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
