i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
