im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
