I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
