I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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