i wish starbucks made bloody marys
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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