You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
