How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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