Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
