is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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