I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
