I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
