dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
