carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
