ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
