This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
