Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
