Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
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Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize