do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
