so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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