why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
