Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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