Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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