i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
