Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
