This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
