now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
