I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
