Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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