i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
