god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
