note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
