Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
