Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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