Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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