haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im holly from the hills drunk
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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