i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
