Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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