he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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