what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
