drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
