i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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