it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
