My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just googled if crying burns calories
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
