I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
