I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
