Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
