My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
