I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
