I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
