Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
