shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
