cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
