you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
