My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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