I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This is classic penis vs brain.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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