Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
