I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
