i will never coherently bang her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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