if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We need to get me chipped asap
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
