i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
