i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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