My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
