She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
