I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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