I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
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nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize