I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
