I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
