eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
