can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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