Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
